Category Archives: jealousy

Workshop for Non-Monogamy Mismatch with Dr. Eli Sheff and Curious Fox Presents

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When Your Partner Wants Non-Monogamy and You Don’t: A Workshop for People with a (Non)Monogamy Mismatch

 

Get tickets here

What do you do when you love someone and they want something very different from you? That conundrum can be very difficult when it comes to polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy because it can be very difficult to compromise on sexual and emotional exclusivity. In her 20+ years researching polyamorous families, Dr. Eli Sheff has seen many people deal with this sticky issue and faced it in her own life. Now she has designed a workshop with a combination of lecture, discussion, and exercises to help.

Who Should Come:

People who are already in relationships and struggling with a mismatch in desire for Consensual Non-Monogamy – someone wants an open/CNM relationship and someone else does not.

Topics Discussed:

  • Types of Consensual Non-Monogamy
  • Arguments for CNM
  • Arguments against CNM
  • The difficulties of compromising on CNM
  • Mono/Poly or Poly/Mono
  • Considering boundaries: What do you want? What can you tolerate?
  • Meeting of the minds (and other parts)
  • Going separate ways

Take-Aways:

Participants can expect to take away a greater understanding of the options for CNM and increased clarity on their own needs and boundaries.

 

For tickets visit: 

https://www.picatic.com/elisheffworkshop?utm_source=wordpress&utm_campaign=121018&utm_medium=integrations&utm_content=upcoming%20events%20widget

 

 

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Satisfied Relationship Coaching Client Testimonial

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MK, a client who has been coaching with me for a few months, wrote the most lovely client testimonial and gave me permission to post it here:

 

Dr. Sheff has been an invaluable resource for me as a relationship coach.  She has provided valuable insight and information regarding different relationship and communication structures, and reflection, guidance, and perspective, thus helping me gain much needed clarity.  She has helped me access ideas for activities, systems and methods I can employ daily to find my own truth and sense of self.  She is motivating and uplifting, and extremely easy to connect and share with, especially given her compassion, warmth, and incredible sense of humor.  Her support has been invaluable throughout my journey and I give her the highest recommendation for helping people through challenges they may be experiencing.

MK

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Filed under Client Testimonials, coaching, consensual nonmonogamy, dating, diversity, jealousy, love, marriage, non-monogamy, open relationships, Polyamory, relationship consultation, relationships, Research, romance, sex, sex education, sexuality, Uncategorized

Dr. Eli Sheff Teams Up with Curious Fox Presents for Two Days in Brooklyn

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Curious Fox Presents is bringing me to Brooklyn, NY for two events. The first is Consider This: A Day of Challenging the Status Quo in Sex and Relationships with me, Tikva Wolf, Kitty Chambliss, and a host of other interesting folks collected for an afternoon and evening of enlightening discussions and exciting comedy performance at the House of Yes in Brooklyn on Saturday September 16 beginning at 12:30 and ending at 7 pm. For more information and to get tickets, go to https://www.facebook.com/events/1390479657704116/

 

The second event is When Your Partner Wants Non-Monogamy and You Don’t, an evening workshop for singles and groups with a mis-match in desire for Consensual Non-Monogamy. This workshop is Tuesday, September 19 and starts at 7 pm, ending by 10 pm.  For more information and to get tickets, see https://www.picatic.com/elisheffworkshop

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Dr. Eli Sheff Presenting at Dragoncon in Atlanta

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I will be presenting on the Skeptic, Alternative History, and Science tracks at Dragoncon this year, as well as being one of the banner carriers for the Skeptic banner in the parade on Saturday. My presentation schedule is:

 

 

Friday 9/1/17, 11:30 pm  Crystal Ballroom, Hilton

Title: The Polyamorists Next Door
Description: We can learn a lot about polyamory from a 15-year study of its practice & effects on families. We’ll cover issues like finding partners, coming out, and passing, as well as the advantages and disadvantages of with poly families and the strategies kids and parents use to deal with disadvantages.

 

Saturday 9/2/17, 10 am, Parade

 

Saturday 9/2/17, 2:30 pm, Athens Room, Sheraton

Title: SAM Talk

Description: Alternate Relationships in Alternate History, or how we might have different relationships if things had turned out differently.

Monday 9/4/17, 11:30 am, Hilton 204-207
Title: Debunking Legal Myths about Polyamorous Families
Description: Erroneously equated with polygynous or cheating families, polyamorous families often labor under mistaken ideas about their family structure. Empirical data to demonstrate significant differences between polyamorous and polygynous families in how they treat women and children.

Monday 9/4/17, 2:30 pm, Hilton 204-207
Title: Wrap-Up And Feedback
Description: Come and join the Skeptic Track folks for a discussion about the past weekend. What worked, what you liked, and what should we strive to do for 2018?

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Review of Mono/Poly Play

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Brian Reynolds’s new play Mono/Poly is a laugh-out-loud exploration of the shenanigans that ensue when two monogamous couples meet a polyamorous triad. This delightful and rousing play just opened at the Hudson Theater in Los Angeles, and I had the pleasure of seeing it twice and sitting on the panels after each performance.

 

Having attended many, many plays I am well aware of how painfully bad theater can be, and I must admit that I was a little bit nervous about sitting on the panels after the show. What would I say if it was terrible? To my absolute delight (and a little bit of relief), Mono/Poly was fantastic! Great dialog that was both witty and believable, a completely plausible and yet interesting plot, and incredible actors perfectly cast in their roles made the show an amusing and satisfying experience. I was sad to see it end and could definitely have watched a third act, which is a major statement for my ADHD-short-span-of-attention-for-entertainment self.

 

This was the first showing, and Reynolds is in talks with other theaters in the LA area who may host another performance of the production in a larger space. Let us all hope that those talks come to fruition with another staging of Mono/Poly sooner than later. If you get the chance to see this wonderful play, jump at it! I can’t wait to see it again — on Broadway.

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Cronica Post Foro: Reflections on Conference in Spain

 

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I just returned to the United States from the first annual Foro Poliamor in Spain, and was completely charmed by it all – the people I met, the places they showed me, and the conference itself.

If you have never been to Spain and could possibly travel there, I strongly suggest that you try to find somehow, someway to get there. It is a lovely, diverse, delightful country with friendly people and incredible places to visit. Going for the Foro is the perfect excuse to explore this incredible country!

 

Catalunya

The Catalunya region of Spain is gorgeous and diverse. A charming mix of ancient and ultra-modern, Barcelona is the transit, tourist, and business capitol of the region. The Foro Poliamor conference met at the delightful Hotel Cardos in the Pyrenees Mountains. Roughly three hours from Barcelona by car, the mountains have lovely trees and burbling brooks in the summer and skiing in the winter. With barely any competing light and clear air, the night sky in the Pyrenees is so dark and clear that you can see the band of the Milky Way standing stark amid the most stars I have ever seen.

 

Hotel Cardos

FORO 01 grounds .jpgHotel Cardos is a charming, quirky, and comfortable hotel with a lovely deck, swimming pool, gardens, and grounds. A collectors’ dream, Hotel Cardos boasts a diverse and fascinating array of objects (especially nativity figures), sculptures, and wall-art gracing each of its six floors. The dining room offers a large and inviting space with a central buffet for breakfast, and long tables where lunch and dinner are served. The staff are delightful, incredibly friendly, and accommodating, and helped to create a relaxed and welcoming atmosphere. Inviting sleeping rooms provided comfortable beds, private bathrooms, and windows with gorgeous mountain views of the fierce late June sun during the day and lovely cooling breezes at night. The grounds of Hotel Cardos are filled with delightful nooks and crannies, from a fountain grotto with elaborate stone designs to a gazebo surrounded by trees and horses in the field next to the pool. Indoor spaces provide a wide range of places to hang out – among them the Piano room for big meetings and social chatting, the Zen room for quite thinking, reading, or meditation, the Botanica space that straddled the sunroom and stone patio, or the underground discotheque complete with lights and sound system.

 

 Foro Poliamor Conference

A three-day fiesta of thoughts and interactions, learning and socializing – what’s not to like? In fact, the entire conference was lovely, from the flexible nature of the programming to the delightful conversations around delicious food. There were two organized tracks – four workshops with me and four workshops with Nico Castellanos. My workshops covered types of CNM and when they work (or not), a brief history of CNM and its place in social change, dealing with jealousy, and children in polyamorous families. Nico Castellanos presented workshops on four-hand massage, BDSM for the curious, conscious touch, and a sensory journey.

A third track was organized by the folks who came to the conference in the moment, with people writing suggestions for what they would like to discuss and others offering expertise in specific topics. I attended one of the open track sessions on ninja training led by the impressive and intrepid Irene and it kicked my ass, even though I was not in time to meet them for the running portion of the workout. Doing the stairs, jumping up and down a bench (except in my case more stepping up and down) and lifting blocks of concrete from a squat or in a lunge was more than enough for me. By the time we got to repeatedly jumping in the pool and lifting ourselves up using upper body strength I decided I might just stay in the pool for a while. Everyone was jovial and encouraging, some joining me in the pool to luxuriate in the delightful water and others continuing their (grueling I must say) workout. That moment was characteristic of the Foro for me – I was free to do as I wished with the delight and support from those around me in a relaxed learning and collaborative environment. Non-ninja-related topics included dancing, defining and establishing consent, working through the emotional pain that can come with polyamorous relationships, and many more.

 

Socializing

There were many fun opportunities for relaxed socializing. Meals at long tables encouraged spontaneous conversations with folks who ended up next to each other, and the swimming pool and patio offered many opportunities to lounge and chat. A costume party Saturday night had everyone cross-dressing and boogieing in the disco and watching the absolutely incredible (I cannot sufficiently express how truly amazing) night sky.

 

Language

While I learned a little bit of Spanish as an exchange student in Guadalajara, it was not even enough to really communicate then and I have forgotten most of it in the intervening years. Even with such limited skills, I was able to communicate easily with people at the conference because many of them spoke at least some English. During my workshops the Foro provided someone to translate between English and Spanish, and they even gave me a personal translator during the group meetings who whispered to me in English. In the rare case that the person I was chatting with could not understand my broken Spanish and could not speak to me in English, there was always someone else nearby who was happy to translate on the fly. Overall, I found the language quite easy to navigate and people happy to help me through stumbles.

 

The next Foro happens in June of 2018. Tickets to Barcelona are not all that expensive, especially if you start looking for deals early. If you start saving today, you might be able to travel to Spain next year for the Foro. In my experience, it was totally worth the time, effort, and expense to get there for the amazing experience.

 

 

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Women’s Health Magazine Interviews Dr. Eli Sheff

 

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Alexandria Gomez from Women’s Health Magazine interviewed me recently for a piece on polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. You can find the article here.

 

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/open-relationships

 

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