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Understanding Polyamory & Open Relationships with Dr. Eli Sheff
Polyamory is the practice of more than one intimate relationship with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. It’s also referred to as consensual or ethical non-monogamy. It’s a life philosophy that love is not zero sum- that me loving one person doesn’t necessarily detract from my ability to love another, and may even amplify my love for everyone involved. Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is a pioneer in the study of polyamory and the author of: 🔸 The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families 🔸 Stories from the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families 🔸 When Someone you Love is Polyamorous: Understanding Poly People and Relationships 🔸 Children in Polyamorous Families
Leah Marshall is a relationship junkie and the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of almost 12,000 members from across the globe who regularly discuss relationships, intimacy, sex, desire, and infidelity. She’s also the creator of Song Therapy, a video series hosted in partnership with the hiitide app which breaks down the relationship dysfunction in popular songs.
You can connect with Leah on her blog at https://leapcastlife.wordpress.com/ and on Song Therapy at https://hiitide.com/song-therapy
EPISODE QUOTES
“We now come to one person and ask them to give us what once an entire village used to provide: Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, give me security, but give me excitement, mystery and adventure all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give me predictability, give me surprise. And we think that sex toys and lingerie is going to save us.” ~Esther Perel
“Every organism & every company knows it needs to reinvent itself continuously or else it fossilizes but the notion of flexibility, fluidity, & adaptability in relationships is more unusual.” ~Esther Perel
“Open relationships make a lot of sense but they’re not for everybody- they demand a massive amount of egalitarianism. They requires two people who are sovereign, who can choose for themselves and not one person imposing it on the other. Cheating happens all the time in open relationships. People will always cross boundaries. Transgression seems to be part of relationships period. Consensual non-monogamy is not a protection device against transgression. It’s a philosophy, a way of thinking about sexuality and freedom and the centrality of the individual within a relationship. We need multiple models- there is no right one.” ~Esther Perel
TOPICS COVERED 🔸 Common poly types and structures? How is poly different from open relationships or swinging? 🔸 Knowing your poly “why” 🔸 The difference between rules and boundaries 🔸 Mono + poly relationships 🔸 Navigating feelings of jealousy, envy, insecurity, + fear of loss 🔸 Processing model to get below the jealousy to the root fear: “When ____ happens, I make it mean ____________. My fear is the above means I am ____________ and that eventually __________ will happen. 🔸 Triads, unicorns, + unicorn hunting GROUP MEMBER QUESTIONS 🔸 Don’t ask, don’t tell? 🔸 Disclosing polyamory to children
LEAH MARSHALL BIO Leah Marshall is a relationship junkie and the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of almost 12,000 members from across the globe who regularly discuss relationships, intimacy, sex, desire, and infidelity. She’s also the creator of Song Therapy, a video series hosted in partnership with the hiitide app, which breaks down the relationship dysfunction in popular songs.
You can connect with Leah on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZOqckFIqspSVjJi_ILphxg, on her blog at https://leapcastlife.wordpress.com/, on Song Therapy at https://hiitide.com/song-therapy, and in the Esther Perel Discussion Group at https://facebook.com/groups/793115204193690/.