In the first of a two part blog, I explain the mistakes I made in my pursuit of a polyamorous relationship and why it did not work for me.
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Written by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff
Book Description
Marriage and monogamy are not what they used to be, and today many couples are opting to start families before getting married, or deciding not to get married at all. At the same time, gay couples in states that recognize same-sex marriage are getting married in droves. Some people prefer non-monogamy and have relationships that include swinging and polyamory. The landscape of American marriage and relationships is changing, and a variety of family systems are developing and becoming more common.
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Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is the author of The Polyamorists Next Door, a blog featured on Psychology Today.
Using empirical information based in academic research, this blog explores the issues facing polyamorous relationships and families. It covers topics as diverse as sexuality to parenting, jealousy to coming out to families of origin, and employment and housing discrimination to online dating.
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Hi Elizabeth,
I am currently married to a guy who identifies as polyamorus. I personally do not identify as polyamorus, and I am willing to work with him to develop what will amount to poly – affectionate relationships with any women he pursues a relationship, however, there are several problems I am having that I was hoping you might have some advice on-
Since I am not polyamorus myself, I do feel the need to set – up rules that will help keep me feeling secure in my relationship. We have been married for 2 years, and before that we dated in a functionally monogamous and co – habitation relationship for 8 years. I am very attached to him and I have full confidence in the stability of our relationship, I am just looking for ways to minimize the hurt I might feel, and to keep from feeling powerless and emotionally abused. Do you have any recommendations on how I might do that? My thoughts were simple things like ‘don’t have relationships without telling me, don’t have children with other women (This was more for financial reasons than an unwillingness to care for other people’s children) and don’t pursue relationships with anyone who is not willing to maintain a close friendship with me.
I am also having problems with my family. I have a very close and healthy relationship with my family, but they are very monogamous and are having a very hard time understanding that me and my husband will be able to maintain a lasting and healthy relationship. They are very angry with my husband, and they feel I am letting him take advantage of me. I was wondered if you has any suggestions how I might help them feel more comfortable and accepting of my relationship with my husband and with his relationship choices.