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When polyamory goes wrong — why I am not poly but you might want to be

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In the first of a two part blog, I explain the mistakes I made in my pursuit of a polyamorous relationship and why it did not work for me. 

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201405/why-i-am-not-polyamorous-you-might-want-be-pt-1

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, PhD, CASA, CSE

One of a handful of global experts on polyamory and the foremost international expert on children in polyamorous families, Dr. Elisabeth Sheff has studied gender and
families of sexual minorities for the last 16 years. Sheff’s television appearances include CNN, and the National Geographic, and she has given more than 20 radio, podcast, print, and television interviews with sources from Radio Slovenia to National Public Radio, the Sunday London Times to the Boston Globe and Newsweek. By emphasizing research methodology and findings in her discussions, Dr. Sheff presents the kind of public intellectualism that encourages audience members to think critically regarding gender, sexualities, and families.

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2 Comments

  1. says:
    Reply

    […] When Polyamorous Goes Wrong – Why I am Not Polyamourous but You May Want to be by Elisabeth […]

  2. Stormdaughter says:
    Reply

    Hi Elizabeth,

    I am currently married to a guy who identifies as polyamorus. I personally do not identify as polyamorus, and I am willing to work with him to develop what will amount to poly – affectionate relationships with any women he pursues a relationship, however, there are several problems I am having that I was hoping you might have some advice on-

    Since I am not polyamorus myself, I do feel the need to set – up rules that will help keep me feeling secure in my relationship. We have been married for 2 years, and before that we dated in a functionally monogamous and co – habitation relationship for 8 years. I am very attached to him and I have full confidence in the stability of our relationship, I am just looking for ways to minimize the hurt I might feel, and to keep from feeling powerless and emotionally abused. Do you have any recommendations on how I might do that? My thoughts were simple things like ‘don’t have relationships without telling me, don’t have children with other women (This was more for financial reasons than an unwillingness to care for other people’s children) and don’t pursue relationships with anyone who is not willing to maintain a close friendship with me.

    I am also having problems with my family. I have a very close and healthy relationship with my family, but they are very monogamous and are having a very hard time understanding that me and my husband will be able to maintain a lasting and healthy relationship. They are very angry with my husband, and they feel I am letting him take advantage of me. I was wondered if you has any suggestions how I might help them feel more comfortable and accepting of my relationship with my husband and with his relationship choices.

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