One of the questions I get asked repeatedly is how many polyamorists there are in the US, and I always have to answer “We don’t know.” Without an accurate sample of polyamorists in the US, there is no way to say how many polys there really are. The problem is getting an accurate or statistically representative sample — something that is challenging enough that no one has done it yet.
Earlier this year I was looking for materials to support an application for the Mather grant on healthy aging when I stumbled across a call for submissions for the 2016 General Social Survey (GSS), a yearly survey of a random sample of adults in the US that asks about social attitudes and beliefs. Usually it takes at least tens of thousands of dollars to purchase a question on any survey that goes out to a sample of people who represent the entire US. This time, however, the GSS was accepting unfunded submissions for free and would consider a small number of the flood for inclusion in the 2016 General Social Survey. The PolyResearchers Yahoo group had been talking about trying to purchase a question on a nationally representative survey for years, but we could never come up with the money so it had never materialized.
With only a few weeks until the deadline, I contacted PolyResearchers the moment I found the call for submissions and by the end of the day we had a team of folks (Co PI’s Jennifer Harman and Elisabeth Sheff with Derrell Cox, Jim Fleckenstein, Tracey Gendron, and Mimi Schippers) taking on the Herculean task of writing a module in such a brief time. Through our combined efforts, and in collaboration with the PolyResearchers list, we designed a module to measure the incidence of and attitudes towards non-monogamies in the United States.
Unfunded questions receive an enormous number of submissions, and we knew from the beginning that it was highly unlikely for the non-monogamies module to be selected. Ultimately the GSS selection committee rejected the non-monogamies module because they were concerned that there would not be enough non-monogamists in their sample to allow for meaningful analysis. Another thing that contributed to the rejection of the module is that it has not been tested — we created it especially for the General Social Survey and were not able to test it outside of online workshopping with the PolyResearchers. Testing survey questions is quite important because it lets researchers know if they are actually measuring the concept they mean to be measuring and not accidentally measuring something else (validity), and that the questions measure that thing accurately and consistently over time and in different situations/populations (reliability).
We have not given up, though, and the research team hopes to test the module in a number of settings. Are you willing to help? If so, please copy the module below, past it in to a document, answer the questions, provide any additional feedback on user-friendly language or what is missing or whatever you think would make the questions more accurate, and email me your response at drelisheff@gmail.com. This module was designed for the US, but I am also interested in how these questions might be received in other nations so please feel free to comment from anywhere in the world.
As always, this is completely voluntary and I will keep your responses confidential. When I write about the results, I will anonymize the data so that names are not associated with the answers people provided.
Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think of these questions. Unfortunately, the formatting did not translate so the answer categories lost their A, B, C labeling and replaced with bullets. Please bear with my technical difficulties, I hope to have a better version up and running soon.
GENERAL SOCIAL SURVEY NON-MONOGAMIES MODULE
This question would be a follow up to General Social Survey question 1555. “Have you ever had sex with someone other than your husband or wife while you were married?”
If Yes, “Did your spouse know about it at the time?”
If Yes, “Did s/he consent to your activity?”
Module Questions
[Note: the next questions have skip patterns to limit survey time and gather more detailed information on different types of non-monogamies. Formatting can of course be tailored to match the GSS]
- Thinking back over your sexual/romantic relationship history (that is, all relationships that included a romantic intent and held the possibility of including sexuality, even if sexual activity did not actually take place in that relationship for whatever reason), have you ever (select all that apply):
- Engaged in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships where the other partners knew about each other and consented? (if selected, proceed to #2)
- Engaged in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships where at least one of the other partner(s) did not know and/or did not consent? (if selected, proceed to #2)
- Desired to engage in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships but chose not to pursue such relationships? (if selected, proceed to #5)
- I have never considered engaging in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships. (if selected, proceed to #5)
- (if #1A or #1B): Over the last 12 months, how many multiple simultaneous romantic and/or sexual partners have you had a relationship with?
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five or more
- No simultaneous relationships (no partners or only 1)
- (If #1A or #1B was selected): From the following terms, which one best describes your current relationship orientation/practices?
- I consider myself a swinger, such that I have multiple sexual relationships for recreational or social purposes.
- I consider myself polyamorous, such that I have multiple loving emotional and/or sexual relationships.
- I consider myself polygynous, such that I have multiple marital-like committed partnerships)
- None of the above
- Other (please specify)
- (if #3A, 3B, 3C, or 3E was selected): Have you ever been discriminated against (e.g., legally, socially) because of your relationship orientation (e.g,., swinging, polyamory, polygamy)?
If yes, in what ways? (select all that apply)
- Child custody issues
- Legal problems
- Housing issues
- Work related problems
- Health care access or delivery
- Social isolation or ostracism from family, friends, or community
- Other
- Within the past 12 months, have you:
- Engaged in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships where the other partners knew about each other and consented? (if selected, proceed to #7)
- Engaged in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships where at least one of the other partner(s) did not know and/or did not consent? (if selected, skip to #7)
- Desired to engage in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships but chose not to pursue such relationships? (is selected, proceed to #6)
- I have never considered engaging in multiple simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships. (if selected, proceed to #6)
- (If they selected #5C or 5D): What was the main reason for your decision to not pursue multiple, simultaneous sexual/romantic relationships?
- It would be too hard to maintain such relationships for any length of time.
- Could not find any partners willing to engage in such relationships with me.
- It is morally wrong to engage in such relationships.
- Engaging in such relationships would be counter to my beliefs about the benefits of having only exclusive relationships.
- Engaging in such relationships would be counter to my religious or spiritual beliefs.
- I feared that engaging in such relationships would damage my reputation, social position, or employment if it became known.
- People choose to organize their sexual and romantic lives in many different ways. We’re interested in hearing about your feelings regarding some of the ways people practice relationships. In each case, we’d like you to say whether you find the practice always wrong, almost always wrong, sometimes wrong, or not wrong at all.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing to have sex with other married couples or single individuals, but only while together and with the understanding that no deep emotional/romantic connections are allowed.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing that each partner individually is free to have sex with others outside the relationship, with the understanding that no deep emotional/romantic connections are allowed.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing that each partner individually is free to have sex with others outside the relationship, and also to form deep emotional/romantic connections, so long as the original relationship is maintained.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing that each partner individually is free to have sex with others outside the relationship, and also to form deep emotional/romantic connections, so long as the original relationship is maintained and no details about these other relationships are shared.
- Single individuals having sex with married or partnered individuals with the full knowledge and consent of the married/partnered person’s spouse/partner, but without any deep emotional/romantic connection.
- Single individuals having sex with married or partnered individuals with the full knowledge and consent of the married/partnered person’s spouse/partner, but with deep emotional/romantic connections allowed.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing that each partner individually is free to have sex with others outside the relationship, but only within prearranged limits, such as only with partners of the same sex, only while traveling a certain distance away from home, only on the condition that no ongoing connection is maintained, etc., so long as the original relationship is maintained.
- Married or partnered couples agreeing that each partner individually is free to form deep emotional/romantic connections with others, but not to have any sexual relations, so long as the original relationship is maintained.
- Single individuals having multiple simultaneous romantic/sexual relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all involved.
- Single individuals having multiple simultaneous romantic/sexual relationships but withholding knowledge about these multiple relationships from those involved.